The choices we have to make

I had an opportunity to get another telecommuting job recently. The compensation, if not as good as what I'm currently getting, is big enough that I can say goodbye to my budgeting notebook. For the last few months, things have been a bit tight for us, money-wise. We have been paying our monthly down payment for this two-bedroom condominium unit so we had to tighten our belts. It's not that big, but it's ours. The budgeting is also a practice for us once we move out of my mother in law's house next year.

So you'd understand why I got excited to have another job. It would mean more out of town trips, expensive toys and clothes for Sandy, new gadgets and more savings. While I was emailing the company to schedule my second interview, I suddenly heard Sandy's laugh. She was playing with her yaya from the other room and it seemed like she was having a great time. Then I remembered all the cool things she has been doing for the past few days. Or should I say the stories that her yaya has been telling me. I wasn't always there when they happened. I was here in my computer, working my ass off.

That was the deciding moment. I can't take this new job! I already have little time for Sandy as it is. Even when I'm working from home, I only get to spend time with her for a total of three hours before our nighttime routine. I put her to sleep in the afternoon for one to two hours. I don't feed her, give her a bath, play, sing and dance with her. I work. Almost all the time. I do miss a lot. I miss her.

I told the company that I can't commit to the work schedule and wished them well. I felt a little sad while writing the email. I have been dreaming of all the cool toys and clothes that I can buy for my little girl. But design jobs are everywhere. I have to be a parent first.